No Use Crying Over Split Milk

“Oh, don’t worry, honey. There’s no use crying over spilt milk.”

“Unless that milk was the only thing you had to eat or drink for two weeks straight and you just spilled it and now you and your entire family are probably gonna starve or die or something… Then you can cry about it.”

“Well… I suppose it’s alright to cry then.”

“Or if you’re an actor and the director tells you Hey! You better start crying over that spilt milk or you’re fired, buddy! In that case, you’d have to cry over split milk if you wanted to keep your job.”

“Yes, I guess that’s right.”

“Or if you were alive before the vacuum cleaner was invented and your job was to go around a restaurant with a straw and quickly slurp up the drinks people spilled before it got on the carpet. And if you were lactose intolerant, then it would be okay to cry about spilt milk—everyone would understand.”

“That’s, uhh, very creative, hon. I don’t think—“

“Or if you were a milkman and you spilled an entire truck load of milk and you knew you were gonna get fired because that’s exactly the kind of thing a milkman can’t do, then it would be okay to cry over spilt milk.”

“These are very unique examples, but the expression—“

“Or if you were only pretending to be a milkman but really you were an undercover cop and you were dropping off milk at the mob boss’ house and it was one of those sting operations and the bottles of milk you dropped off had little teeny tiny invisible-like microphones and cameras and you were supposed to give them the milk and get out of there but you were nervous and your hands were sweating and you dropped the whole case of milk right outside their door and they opened it to see what all the noise was and they looked down at the split milk and it was sort of sparking and they could tell you were trying to bug their joint and they just looked up at you and you could tell they were going to kill everyone and everything you loved and then they were gonna kill you. Then it would be okay to cry—not just for you but for your whole family, you know?”

“Enough. I love how creative you are, but this needs to stop. No use crying over spilt milk is an expression—it’s like what happened, happened and crying about it isn’t going to change a thing. You understand? Okay, now will you please eat your breakfast? You’re going to be late for school.”



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